When I was 8 years old, a teacher told me that I have pretty eyes. I looked at her and starred at her. She returned me a smile. I caught that smile, bowed down, and looked away smiling. I wondered, why?
When I was in secondary school, I walk pass everyone without looking at them. And I put on a straight face everywhere I go, unless I stumble upon a good friend. Ahh, wait, that's probably because I was a prefect! Huhu.
I remember a group of girls who confessed that they didn't think they would ever make friends with me. They said that I don't look friendly, and I am cold towards my surroundings. But they eventually realize, that I am a good sport, once we got to know each other better.
Came university, I lost my grandma. That's when it hit me hard most. I have pictured my future with my grandma in the frame. When she was gone, I had to pick up the pieces of whatever is left from the shattered frame and put it together into a new frame.
Flying back to university, I did a lot of thinking. One of the thoughts, how am I going to face my friends when I touch down? Will I start crying and ask for sympathy from around me?
Then, it struck me. Emotions are contagious, so if I look happy, I can project that mood to others too. I went back to college, kept my cool and enjoyed every moment. Friends who knew of the funeral empathized, but they also gave me the support to keep me going. Friends and lecturers who eventually got to know about the funeral, were surprised because I was back on my feet by day 5. Even when they delivered their condolence, I accepted it with a smile.
That's when I begin to realize that I am capable to keep myself together when everything else around me fail. I begin to use it to my advantage. I begin to smile and laugh for the world to see while hiding my true emotions. I keep my emotions well, hid all the pain, and only show what's best for everyone. And when I am happy, everyone seem happy for me. And when everyone else seem happy, they ARE happy.
"Smile, it costs absolutely nothing!", so I've heard. I shall continue trying to carry my smile everywhere I go. Even at the worst time, I'll try to smile. Hypocrite? I beg to differ. A smile is a good enough stress buster. A laughter would be perfect. And yes, I laugh AT MYSLEF once in a while.
But, I may not be smiling for myself all the time. I may be smiling on behalf of you. You who needs a smile, when the world crumbles around you.
Coming back to the memory when I was 8, I realize that the teacher smiled at me because she knew I would return a smile, eventhough it was only in my heart. Now I understood that smile, Mrs Chiew.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
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Hi Anonymous, you are such a coward! Please, I beg you, FLAME me!