Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Raya Holiday

Scene 1. Take 1.

(stops a cab)
Me: LRT Kerinchi?
Cabby: Bole.
Me: Trime kaseh.

(gets into the cab. switches off mp3 player.)
Cabby: Balik raye bile?
Me: Erm, tak balik raye.
Cabby: Owh, ye ke. Kampung kat mane, dik?
Me: Saye asal *******.
Cabby: Tahun ni tak pulang beraye la ek.
Me: Err...uncle, saye bukan Melayu. Saye *****. Heh~
Cabby (looks back from the mirror, sounding surprise): Hah?! Ye ke? Sori dik, saye ingat Melayu.
Me: Takpe. Rutin harian dah ni.

Scene 2. Take 1.

(walks towards the lift. smiles at a lady waiting for the lift door to open)

Lady: Tak balik raye?
Me: Errr..saye bukan Melayu kak.
Lady: Hah?! Ye ke. Nampak macam Melayu lah, dik!
Me: Tak lah. Saye bangsa *****. Tp ader mix la kak. My mum orang ******.
Lady: Ohh..patut la..
Me: Saye duduk kat umah yang ujung skali tu (pointing finger towards an end). Duduk ngan my aunty.
Lady: Your aunty, ****** ke?
Me: Err..ya.
Lady: Laaa..rupanya. Tapi memang tak cam lah adik ni orang *****!
Me: (smiles and gets into lift)

There goes. For the past one week, I'm being harrased with the same question over and over again. BEWARE. Looks are deceiving. Hehe.

Anyway, with the Raya heat wave ON, I would like to wish my dear Muslim friends a HAPPY EID UL FITR. Selamat pulang ke kampung and selamat kembali ke ibu kota. Safe journey.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Bosan ke? Nahh, I beg to differ!

Dah kol 2.40pm. Lapa. Tak makan lagi.
What am I doing?

What's on TV? .hack//root. Shino baru mati, or should I say, she went into a coma in the real world. Haseo... Tabby...

Ape aku mengarut nih? Aihh...tak tau la wei.. I'm just lost right now. I don't know what to do with my life at this moment. I wish to disappear. Really.

I called him you know. My ex... but he did not pick up his phone. As usual. Am I hurt? I don't know. I guess I'm just bored. Need someone to talk to.

Call a friend? They would think I'm crazy. I can't. They think I'm independent. But I'm just hiding behind this thick, ugly skin of mine.

Anyway, he didn't pick up my calls. Yeah, I've mentioned that. And I also sent him a text message. Say what?! Well, I said "Aku suke ar kaco ko. Mcm sronok jek."

Am I pathetic? I beg to differ! I'm NORMAL. Ok, slightly crazy on my left brain, aahh, that gives me the creativity.

Aihh. Aku tak siap lagi report tu. Boss dah mengamuk. Tapi, aku xde mood ahh. Camne?

Besok plak camne? Ntah lah. Aku nak cuti. Isnin Selasa aku keje lagi. Pastu cuti 5 hari. Mau lari. Ke mane? Aku mau ke Pangkor boleh? Aku mau pegi sorang2... Tak pun, pegi Singapore?

Aku nak lari..

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Aidilfitri Card

A few of my friends had been sending e-cards for Aidilfitri. One after another, they start designing their own cards. Some even used Paint to design! One friend who was not aware that the others were designing their own had asked me to come up with a card for her. And I did, voluntarily. I am not satisfied with the result, but this is my best. Sorry Bit, aku sgt2 serabut mlm ni.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Yesterday, I watched an episode of Ugly Betty. Betty was trying to assure Henry that nothing is going on between her and the other guy. And Henry said this to her, "I trust you completely, but I don't trust him". I almost swallowed the whole piece of chicken meat in my hand when I heard that! Because I kinda use that SAME line on my ex in a few occassions when another girl tries to jump in our wagon.

For more than a month now, I've been grieving for the lost of someone so dear to me. And just when I thought I could pick myself up, get over him, and move on with a GOOD life, I fell into another black hole. No, it's not an ASS hole like you, dear ex, it's just dark down here.

I wish I was never misunderstood. Yet, I can't even understand myself. Right now, I consider my life empty. I've been abandoned. By everyone I want to care about. I've abandoned them too. I am very tired. I don't want to get up and move, but I keep moving. When can I stop moving?

I don't know how to put my feelings into words. But this is a miserable feeling. I feel like disappearing from the face of earth. A distant cousin had once said that he wants to murder me for forgetting his birthday. I said, "Please, go ahead. And when I'm dead, dress me in black, break my bones, fold me, and put me into a pandora box. And get a boat, bring me to the sea, and drop me off. Say your last goodbye. I'll find my guardian angel then." As much as I hate saying this, I wish for it to happen, Samuel Raj.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Just Stand Up

More than a dozen of the world’s most accomplished female recording artists – a cast that includes Mariah Carey, BeyoncĂ©, Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Fergie, Sheryl Crow, Miley Cyrus, Melissa Etheridge, Ashanti, Natasha Bedingfield, Keyshia Cole, Ciara, Leona Lewis, LeAnn Rimes, and Carrie Underwood – have joined together for “Just Stand Up,” an unprecedented charity single in support of Stand Up To Cancer (SU2C).

“Just Stand Up” was produced by Antonio “L.A.” Reid, Chairman, Island Def Jam Music Group, and Kenny 'Babyface' Edmonds after a powerful and inspiring meeting with the women who organized the Stand Up To Cancer campaign (whom Reid affectionately dubbed the “magnificent seven”).

Stand Up To Cancer is a fund-raising campaign that was broadcast simultaneously on ABC, CBS and NBC on 5th of September, 08. Funds will be administered by the American Association for Cancer Research, the largest scientific organization in the world focusing on every aspect of high-quality, innovative cancer research.

Cancer takes one person every minute. One life in a moment. They are our brothers, our sisters, our fathers and mothers, our husbands and wives, our best friends, our children, ourselves. Every day in America 1500 people die and yet the means to save them are literally within our reach. To wait any longer for someone else to save our lives and the lives of those we love is unforgivable.

I hope that this campaign, although not widespread to this part of my world, will identify a new way to develop breakthroughs that will END cancer. Stand Up To Cancer is more than a rallying cry. It is a galvanizing force created to urgently move cancer research forward.

This is a song for my aunty, who is a cancer survivor for more than 6 years now. She inspires me about LIVING more than anyone else. If you know someone with cancer, inspire them with this song.

Stand Up For Cancer - Just Stand Up.mp3

Monday, September 22, 2008


Yes, I am feeling drowsy right now. NO, I don't take drugs! I'm just on medication for my cough. But it's a nice feeling. I like this feeling. It gets my mind off things. And it inspires me...Yikes.

I look up the sky,
It was pitch black,
There were no stars,
But I smiled anyway.

I look down to the ground,
And I felt humble,
With all this pain,
I am still walking.

Yesterday, today,
I am living the worst,
You don't know that,
You are not here.

Take a look at me,
Take a closer look,
I don't need you,
Yesterday, today, tomorrow.

Chris Daughtry - What About Now.mp3
If the quality of this song isn't ggrreatt, aah, sorry ya! Coz I just stole this link somewhere... Aahh...I love this feeling... ZzzZZz...

Afgan Syah Reza

CAUTION! To all my English readers, below is my cranky,strange writing about my current obsession with named-as-above. Don't know who that is? Google! Or to save your sanity, skip this post!

Kenapa Afgan...Kenapa...
Kenapa suaramu begitu...
Tak dapat ku nafikan suaramu yang bagus
Tapi kenapa wajahmu harus begitu!
Kenapa perlu kamu mengingatkan ku kepada seseorang itu...
Sudah lah aku menyukai lagu mu itu
Kenapa perlu aku kenali rupamu itu!

Baru semalam ku mahu melupakan dia
Kenapa Afgan..kenapa kamu mengingatkan aku pada dia?
Mata mu, rambut mu, bibir mu, erk!

Aku jatuh cinta dengan lagu mu itu
Tapi aku tak sanggup mahu jatuh cinta pada wajah itu lagi!

Bisakah aku mendengar lagumu tanpa membayangkan rupamu..
Kapankah aku mampu melupakan dia..

Afgan - Terima Kasih Cinta.mp3

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Fix the bug!!

It had been mind-boggling why the Chronoform component on my Joomla site always stumbles upon the 500 Internal Server Error problem. The component seems to do wonders for the 1st few rounds of a form submission, and probably after >30 submissions, the error is displayed when the user clicks the SUBMIT button. I don't know if there's a problem with the hosting agent that we're using, or because of the platform we're on (Windows Server), or the compatibility of the component with the Joomla version, but what ever the problem is, there is none in the web that is helpful to solve my problem! I've tried searching under the forums of Chronoengine, tried their methods, yet, nothing works!

What's weird is, if I uninstall and re-install the component, everything works fine again. Until it reaches its certain number of submission, and the error WILL BE displayed again! i've so far uninstall and re-install the component TWICE! and i can't keep doing it, right? i need a solution! yikes~

today, i got that error again. and my boss annoying-ly said (as usual):"you never got it right!" heck boss, didn't i tell you that i am not good with web programming??!! well as though you know this stuff! aahh shoot! she knows nothing of web programming!

ok, back to the bug thingy! although i am getting the error message, the form is still successfully submitted because my database is able to pick them up. so, when i got the error, i tried to refresh the page and see what happens... still getting that error on IE! maybe i should try on firefox... aahh, that's better! i finally saw another error message displayed onto my webpage! it says: "You are not allowed to access this URL directly, POST array is empty." darn it! but i thought the form is completed?! yikes~

so, i checked the chronocontact.php file and found nothing wrong with functions and loops and cases...well, at least that's what i thought! some of the coding that i think might cause the problem is as below:

$posted = array();
$posted = $_POST;
* Main switch statement
switch( $task ) {
case 'send':


function uploadandmail()

// Block SPAM through the submit URL
if ( empty($_POST) ) {
echo "You are not allowed to access this URL directly, POST array is empty";

this shows that POST IS EMPTY! (ergh, ok, the error had made its statement LOUD & CLEAR!). but that couldn't be true since it worked earlier on. anyway, i changed the coding to:

function uploadandmail()

// Block SPAM through the submit URL
if ( empty($posted) ) {
echo "You are not allowed to access this URL directly, POST array is empty";

i tried the form again, click on SUBMIT, walaa - the displayed error is "You are not allowed to access this URL directly, POST array is empty". so, i don't get that 500 Internal Server Error anymore. ok, since this error is displayed ON my webpage, why not change the error message to....

function uploadandmail()

// Block SPAM through the submit URL
if ( empty($posted) ) {
echo "Thank you for your registration. You will be notified via e-mail.";

WAKAKAKA!!!~ so I CHEATED! so what!! as long as i don't see that error NO MORE! haha~

ok, at least for the time being this is fine (DAMN fine!)...will fix the fix ONE day... (when my workload is lesser). right now, all i know is.... THERE IS NO ERROR!! YEEHAWW!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Someday all of this pain may make sense to me

I realized that my life had been shifting itself ever since I lost the ex-boyfriend.

I have eating disorder.
Ok, maybe not so bad. But when the ex-boyfriend was still around, I take my breakfast, lunch and dinner without fail. Now, I'm just taking in food whenever I feel like. Yesterday, I skipped dinner. Today, I skipped lunch. Tomorrow, perhaps I'll skip breakfast? Ahaa~

I sleep late.
THIS IS WEIRD. When the ex-boyfriend was still around, I tend to feel sleepy even before midnight. But now, I can surf till 1 or 2am, and later FORCE myself to bed! WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD. Why couldn't I stay awake before? It could have saved me and the ex some arguments!

I work till I'm afraid to move in the dark.
Normally, I get off work at around 6 or 7pm, latest. But nowadays, I get off at 8pm. Erm, I could stay longer, but being on the 10th floor with all the other office space closed, I DO NOT WANT TO STAY ANY LONGER! Darn, am I slowly growing into a full-blossom workaholic?! Yikes! Leave that to the lady boss!!

Reincarnation of a depressed child.
Yep, that's me! I'm indulging myself into a depressive mode. And I kinda enjoy it! Coz that's when inspiration comes, and dreams revived! I was sooo much sober before I met the ex, and I think I'm getting there - again. I don't mind. And it doesn't hurt anyone else but myself. So, be it.

Wish for it to be neither of the above? Maybe. Perhaps. I don't know.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008


My brothers and I just finished our marathon on the movie Saw. I think it's an awesome movie. Come to think of it, how does it feel like to cut yourself bleeding? It NEVER cross my mind to try and cut myself, until NOW. Will it help me deal with my problems the way Amanda did in the movie? Hmm...

Thursday, September 04, 2008

The mermaid, the turtle and the moon

Some time ago in 2005, I had a wallpaper that i stole from deviantArt. I can't recall the artist. But it was a beautiful piece of art. It shows the sea, a mermaid, a turtle and a beautiful night.

What interesting was, the mermaid had rose above the sea water, and she was almost touching the moon. While the turtle, which is still in the water, was trying to reach above the sea water. It was almost as though the turtle wanted to be like the mermaid, to be able to reach the moon.

I have a friend who always strive to do the best, in fact, to BE the best. I told that friend about my wallpaper. Today, he tried to call me but he couldn't reach me. So, he left me a message. And this is what he said (sorry bro):
Remember you told me about the story of the turtle that struggled to make it to the surface of the water? And you told me to be the mermaid rather than the turtle? I think I'm becoming the mermaid! I just got the highest mark in my last posting exams. Good start for a final year!
THAT, felt REALLY GOOD. It was a story I told years ago, and he had taken it WAY seriously! I'm glad the mermaid and the turtle became an inspiration to him. Come to think of it, I could use some inspiration now. So, I tried to dig all my CDs and DVDs to see if I still have a softcopy of it. I couldn't find it. I guess, my laptop has been formatted a lil TOOO many times!

It was a masterpiece. And it became inspiration. And although you'll never be as gorgeous as the mermaid Chee Eng, you'll be a GREAT DOCTOR. I know.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Davidoff Cool Water Wave

I had a dream about this fragrance during a nap 'session' this evening. I've been wanting this for almost 2 months now. And too bad, I'm always OFF budget! Sigh~ When will I get my hands on this...

I started this blog for the LOVED one...

Now it's for the LOST one...

It came to my senses again.
The reason why I was afraid of love.
I am inadequate.
I have low self-esteem.
I fear my weakness.
And today, it's taken a toll on me.

I have ego. A terrible one.
I am aware of my ego.
From the time it happened.
To this moment.
I will NOT let my guard down.
Not for any man.
And it's taking its toll right now.

I want to stay by your side.
I want to be your strength.
I want to be your hope.
But I am weak. And I am egoistic.
I won't let you pay for my suffering.
It's time I let you go.

I only wish you know the truth.
I won't apologize because I know it hurts.
It hurts YOU most if you want me back.
It's better this way, to be hated.
So you won't know love hurts.

I am sorry for not being able to say sorry.
I can only apologize here.
For every wrong doing I've done.
I can promise you the sky, the moon and the stars.
But the truth is, I don't want you to suffer.

I have no regret within the past year.
The only regret I have is not being able to celebrate your birthday.
I hope you well. I know you will.
You're a great person. You really are.
If only you know this feelings I have...

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