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Yesterday, I watched an episode of Ugly Betty. Betty was trying to assure Henry that nothing is going on between her and the other guy. And Henry said this to her, "I trust you completely, but I don't trust him". I almost swallowed the whole piece of chicken meat in my hand when I heard that! Because I kinda use that SAME line on my ex in a few occassions when another girl tries to jump in our wagon.

For more than a month now, I've been grieving for the lost of someone so dear to me. And just when I thought I could pick myself up, get over him, and move on with a GOOD life, I fell into another black hole. No, it's not an ASS hole like you, dear ex, it's just dark down here.

I wish I was never misunderstood. Yet, I can't even understand myself. Right now, I consider my life empty. I've been abandoned. By everyone I want to care about. I've abandoned them too. I am very tired. I don't want to get up and move, but I keep moving. When can I stop moving?

I don't know how to put my feelings into words. But this is a miserable feeling. I feel like disappearing from the face of earth. A distant cousin had once said that he wants to murder me for forgetting his birthday. I said, "Please, go ahead. And when I'm dead, dress me in black, break my bones, fold me, and put me into a pandora box. And get a boat, bring me to the sea, and drop me off. Say your last goodbye. I'll find my guardian angel then." As much as I hate saying this, I wish for it to happen, Samuel Raj.